


Forevermore (A TVXQ HoMin Fic)

by loridee



Category: DBSK, JYJ - Fandom, K-pop, TVXQ!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-17
Updated: 2013-10-17
Packaged: 2017-12-29 17:06:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1007914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loridee/pseuds/loridee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When DBSK fell apart, leader Jung Yunho lost more than just three band mates whom he cared deeply for - he also lost his first love, Kim Jaejoong.  Broken-hearted and disillusioned, Yunho is on the verge of slipping into a deep depression that could put his life at risk.  His remaining band mate, Shim Changmin, is determined to not let depression take Yunho away from him.  So Changmin sets out to save his best friend, his hyung, the love of his life before it's too late, before Changmin loses his only chance at letting Yunho know that Yunho is more than just a band mate, best friend, and hyung to Changmin...but the very air that Changmin breathes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forevermore (A TVXQ HoMin Fic)

Forevermore

A TVXQ HoMin Fic

By loridee

 

Fandom: K-pop, TVXQ, JYJ  
Pairing: Yunho/Changmin (HoMin), past Jaejoong/Yunho (JaeYun)

 

 

Summary: When DBSK fell apart, leader Jung Yunho lost more than just three band mates whom he cared deeply for - he also lost his first love, Kim Jaejoong. Broken-hearted and disillusioned, Yunho is on the verge of slipping into a deep depression that could put his life at risk. His remaining band mate, Shim Changmin, is determined to not let depression take Yunho away from him. So Changmin sets out to save his best friend, his hyung, the love of his life before it's too late, before Changmin loses his only chance at letting Yunho know that Yunho is more than just a band mate, best friend, and hyung to Changmin...but the very air that Changmin breathes.

 

Forevermore

 

~*~

 

Chapter One

 

DBSK apartment  
Seoul, South Korea...

 

Leaning against the doorframe, Shim Changmin stared worriedly at the lone figure in the den staring blindly out the window; the morning sun bathing the face and glinting on the tears that rolled ceaselessly down Jung Yunho's cheeks. Changmin felt his heart clench in sympathy for his best friend. The breakup of their band DBSK was taking its toll on both Changmin and Yunho, but on Yunho the worst. Yunho had been the band's fearless leader, guiding all of them up the ladder of success to achieve goals and dreams they had never thought they would achieve. They were the most successful band in K-pop history, destined to overtake all of Asia, Australia, Africa, Europe and most of Canada, South America and the United States. But then the bottom fell out of their dream when three of the members - Kim Jaejoong, Park Yoochun and Kim Junsu - decided to abandon the dreams they had with Yunho and Changmin and pursue new dreams without Yunho and Changmin. Thus, DBSK was no more, and Yunho and Changmin were left with an uncertain future in the K-pop industry.

And Yunho was blaming himself for the breakup even though it wasn't his fault.

Changmin squeezed his hands into fists as he thought angrily, 'Jaejoong, Yoochun and Junsu are at fault for this mess Yunho and I are in. They left us; we didn't leave them. And Jaejoong left Yunho; Yunho didn't leave him.' The three former members left a week ago today; packing up their belongings and moving out while Changmin and Yunho were away doing a photo shoot for one of South Korea's top celebrity magazines. The bastards were going to sneak away without letting Changmin and Yunho know in advance; allowing Changmin and Yunho to return to an empty apartment. But Changmin and Yunho arrived just as the other three were leaving, and both of them were shocked. Then Yunho pulled his now ex-boyfriend Jaejoong aside, and Changmin overheard Yunho beg, "Please, Jae, don't do this. Don't leave. Let's work this out. Don't throw away our dreams as a group...our dreams as a couple. I love you. Please...don't leave Minnie and me...don't leave me."

Changmin remembered Jaejoong cupping Yunho's face in his hands and whispering back firmly to Yunho, "It's too late for us now, Yunho. I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. But we have different dreams now, and being with you is no longer a dream of mine."

"But you said you love me. I gave myself to you. I gave all of me to you. You said you love me."

"And I did love you. I'll always love you, but...it's over, Yunho. Let me go. Move on with your life. I'm moving on with mine."

"Jaejoong, no. We love each other. You're the only person I've ever loved. You were my first. I gave all of me to you. Please...don't leave. Don't leave me...please."

Jaejoong tenderly kissed Yunho on the lips; then Jaejoong walked away, walking out of the apartment with Yoochun and Junsu following behind him; leaving a devastated Yunho and a furious Changmin behind with an uncertain future in the K-pop entertainment industry.

Changmin sighed wearily. Though he had lost all of the dreams he'd had for DBSK the five member group, he realized his hyung Yunho had lost more...so much more. Yunho had lost the love of his life, and Changmin feared his hyung would never recover from the loss and slip into a depression that would be so deep, so engulfing that only death would free Yunho from its grip. And death was the last thing that Changmin wanted for Yunho. The very thought of Yunho buried six feet under a mound of dirt and never seen alive again scared the shit out of Changmin. He had to do something to keep that from happening. But what? What could he do to stop Yunho from slipping into a depression that would take him away from Changmin forever?

'If only you had fallen in love with me, angel, instead of Jaejoong, you wouldn't be suffering through such heartache right now,' Changmin thought silently; his heart bleeding with sympathy for the love of his life...Yunho. Changmin had been in love with Yunho since the day they met at the SM Entertainment Training Camp seven years ago, but Changmin never revealed his feelings to Yunho because Yunho was already involved with Jaejoong. Changmin was forced to settle being Yunho's friend instead. Eventually Changmin became Yunho's best friend, but Changmin wanted to be so much more to Yunho. So much more...

Clearing his throat, Changmin announced softly to the lone figure staring out the window in the den, "Hyung, breakfast is ready. I made one of your favorites - French Toast."

Yunho didn't respond as he continued staring out the window; the tears flowing more rapidly now down his cheeks. His lips quivered as he struggled to suppress a tiny whimper.

Changmin felt his own lips ache to sample Yunho's lips...to suck on that lower pouty lip until Yunho was begging Changmin to kiss him. Shaking himself out of the fog of lust he seemed to find himself falling more and more into nowadays, he said firmly yet lovingly to his hyung, "You can't skip meals, Yunho-hyung. It's not healthy. Now come have breakfast with me. I slaved a half an hour over a hot griddle making you the most perfect French Toast in the world. The least you could do is eat it, so come on. It's getting cold."

When Yunho failed to respond to him, Changmin sighed and entered the den. He came up behind Yunho and hesitated for a moment before gripping Yunho's shoulders gently and squeezing them comfortingly. Although Yunho was very tall, he was slightly shorter than Changmin - Yunho standing at 6'0", Changmin standing at 6'1" - so Changmin didn't have to bend his head down much to stare worriedly at the back of Yunho's head. Softly, Changmin whispered, "Yunho, I know your heart is aching, and I'm so, so sorry for that. I can't begin to imagine the pain and hurt and sadness you're feeling. But you can't stop living because of what Jaejoong did. I won't let you. I won't let you fall into a state of depression. I won't let Jaejoong have the satisfaction of you falling into a state of depression. So come on, have breakfast with me. I like your company."

Yunho sighed deeply and closed his eyes, the pain in his heart excruciating. His stomach turned at the thought of food. "I'm not hungry," he murmured wearily. He didn't sleep well last night or any night since Jaejoong’s leaving a week ago today. He and Jaejoong usually slept together every night until Jaejoong started to drift away from him. He missed the warmth and security he had felt in Jaejoong's arms.

The hollow sound of Yunho's usually cheerful sounding voice broke Changmin's heart. Massaging Yunho's shoulders, Changmin said gently, "I know you don't feel like doing anything but curling up into a little ball and hiding from the world because you are hurting so much, but I can't let you do that. I can't let you wither away and die because of what Jaejoong did to you. I know he broke your heart, and I hate him for that, and you have every right to hurt over what he did to you. But I can't let you die from it. I *won't* let you die from it."

"Changmin, you've never been in love before. You have no idea how beautiful and painful love can be...how it can have you soaring with joy one minute...and sinking into a pit of despair the next minute. You don't know what I'm going through...and I hope you never will," Yunho whispered rawly.

'That's where you're wrong, angel,' Changmin thought sadly but refrained from saying it out loud. He knew all too well what it was like to love someone who didn't love him back, he knew all too well the heartache and despair of not having his love returned. He knew what kind of pain Yunho was going through because he was going through it himself and had been for seven years now. But now was not the right time to tell Yunho about his own pain. So out loud he said gently, "I know what it's like to hurt. I know what it's like to feel disillusioned and have all of your hopes and dreams destroyed right before your eyes. I'm going through the same kind of pain as you are about our group falling apart. I know it's different from the loss of a boyfriend, but that doesn't make it any less intense. My hopes and dreams for DBSK were ripped away from me just like they were ripped away from you. So...we're in this realm of pain and disillusionment together, Yunho, and we only have each other to help us through it. And...I can help you deal with your pain over losing Jaejoong, but I can't help you if you won't let me."

"Minnie, you can't help me with that. You've never loved someone and lost them before," Yunho said tonelessly.

"I loved my grandfather. I lost him last year. So, yeah...I do know what it's like to love someone and then lose them forever," Changmin murmured sadly, his heart aching over the loss of his beloved grandfather whom he had been extremely close to.

"That's different, Minnie. Your grandfather loved you very much. He didn't leave you on purpose. Jaejoong did not die and he left me on purpose," Yunho argued softly.

"How is the pain of either loss so different from each other? It's still a loss and it still hurts like hell," Changmin said a bit defensively.

Yunho heard the grief in Changmin's voice and reached up to grip one of Changmin's hands with his own. "I'm sorry," he whispered soothingly to the younger man. "I didn't mean to sound so callous about your loss. I know how much you loved your grandfather; I know how much you still miss him."

"I miss him a lot. My whole family misses him a lot. He was a good and honorable man," Changmin said sadly.

"I'm glad I got to know him well before he passed," Yunho said. His family and Changmin's family were extremely close to each other because of the boys' close friendship with each other. "But the pain of losing a significant other is worse, Minnie, and I hope you never have to go through a loss like that."

"If I live to be old - which I plan on doing - I may experience that kind of loss," Changmin said, and his heart ached with a new kind of pain as he imagined what life would be like for him if he ever loss Yunho either to a breakup...or to death. It chilled his blood. "Hopefully I won't, Yunho. But what I'm trying to say is I understand your pain in part because you're not the only one to lose someone you love very much. It may have been my grandfather I lost last year and not a significant other...but that doesn't make the pain any less intense...or difficult for me to understand and sympathize with you."

Yunho mulled over what Changmin said for a long moment and then nodded his head in understanding. "Again, I'm sorry for implying your loss is not as profound as my loss. That was unfair of me," Yunho murmured.

"It's okay," Changmin said as squeezed Yunho's shoulders. "You helped me the most during those first dark days after losing my grandfather. If it weren't for you and my family and your family...it would've been extremely difficult for me let go of my grandfather and put him in the past where he now belongs. Thank you again for helping me, hyung. Now let me help you put Jaejoong and what you had with him in the past."

"I don't think you can help me with that, Changmin. It's something I'll have to get over on my own...and that may take a very long time to do...if I can do it," Yunho declined softly.

"I can make you laugh and forget about being sad. I can irritate the hell out of you so much that you want to wring my neck and that'll make you forget about being sad. I can help us both create new goals and dreams for our future as K-pop idols and that'll make you forget about being sad," Changmin offered, sounding very sincere, and that sincerity warmed Yunho's heart for a moment.

Just a moment, though. Coldness seeped back in almost immediately. "Can you heal my heart, Minnie? Can you make me forget I was ever with Jae?" Yunho asked wearily. It was a rhetorical question, really, not some sort of challenge.

But it came across sounding like a challenge to Changmin, and if there was one thing Changmin thrived on and never backed down from it was a challenge. "Yes, Yunnie-hyung, I can heal your heart AND make you forget you were ever with Jaejoong. In fact, I can make you forget that bastard exists," he said firmly.

Yunho heard the challenge in Changmin's voice and turned around to look at Changmin with eyes wide with surprise but still shadowed with sadness and grief. "As great as you are, Changminnie, you can't make me forget about Jae. I'll never be able to forget him. He was my first love...my only love. There was no one before him, and I doubt there'll ever be anyone after him. I gave him all of me. I have nothing left of me to give to anyone else," Yunho beseeched rawly.

"Realistically, I know I can't make you forget about Jaejoong completely as much as I wish I can, but what you had with him is over now and in the past; it can't be changed. You don't have to keep hanging on to it, Yunho," Changmin encouraged.

Yunho let a tiny, mirthless laugh escape him. "Changmin, there's no one beating down my door trying to get to me and help me get over Jae. Folks beating down the door to get to someone happens to be *YOU*, my dear friend; not me."

"Really? Well, you'd be surprised at how many men and women are interested in you. Don't you read what our fans and other people say about you? They all think you're the Eighth Wonder of the World and they may be right. You should read what they say about you; you'd be surprised at how wonderful and attractive they think you are," Changmin informed, and he had the data to back up his claims.

"Pff! They're attracted to what they see of me onstage. They have no idea what a mess I am in real life. Well, they may know now what a mess I am. I couldn't keep our band together," Yunho muttered sourly.

"There's nothing wrong with you, Yunho. Nothing that would send the right person screaming and running away from you," Changmin argued. "Why, your smile alone lights up a room when you allow it to grace your face. You have a very beautiful smile. And those teeth of yours...they're so straight and so white that sometimes I'm tempted to put my shades on because them and your smile are so blinding."

"Really?" Yunho suddenly asked, sounding a bit surprised as some of the sadness in his eyes began to fade and was replaced with curiosity.

"Yeah, really! Have ever noticed how people act when you smile?" Changmin asked in disbelief.

"Not really. Have you?" Yunho asked.

"Duh! Yes! Women start grinning and giggling and blushing and melting like butter when you smile! And men envy how easily your smile appears and how deeply it affects women! Everyone I know says one of the things they love most about you is your smile! You are gorgeous when you smile!" Changmin praised.

"Really?" Yunho asked again, the sadness in his eyes still there but overshadowed now by intrigue and sudden awareness. "Do you think I'm gorgeous?"

"Well, yeah, I do! Don't you see yourself in the mirror?" Changmin asked, sounding incredulous.

"I don't pay attention to that kind of stuff about me...but apparently you do," Yunho said as a tiny smile began to curl the corners of his perfectly shaped mouth.

"How can I not?! I see you everyday! I can't get away from you!" Changmin said with a chuckle. "And people love your laugh too. That boisterous, happy laugh you give that sounds like "HA HA HA!" when you're feeling good and all is right in your world. People love that laugh."

"Do you love that laugh, Changminnie?" Yunho asked as more of the sadness in his gaze dissipated and was replaced more with intrigue and awareness.

"Yeah, when it's not fake and it's natural! You know how to fake that laugh too, and I hate it when you do that!" Changmin said sounding a bit exasperated.

"What about being around me all the time? Do you want to get away from me?" Yunho asked, suddenly serious again, the sadness intensifying in his gaze again as he looked deeply at Changmin. "Our future as DBSK is up in the air right now. There's nothing to stop you from leaving if...you want to."

"And where the hell would I go? Who in their right mind would want to put up with someone as snarky as me? I don't even want to put up with me sometimes!" Changmin exclaimed with a chuckle.

"Your snarkiness is a part of your charm, Minnie-sshi," Yunho teased. Then he became dead serious again as he asked again, "Do you want to get away from me, Changmin? Seven years is a long time to be with someone professionally. Don't you want to go out on your own and spread your wings? You have the talent to do very well as a solo artist."

Changmin was quiet for a long moment before asking, "Why has this conversation suddenly shifted to be all about me and very little about you? I'm trying to help you out of the funk you're in, and you're asking me about what I want professionally and what I like about you personally. Why?"

"You started this whole conversation about what people like about me; I'm just asking if you like what they see too," Yunho said with a slight smirk on his face.

For a moment, Changmin looked baffled by Yunho's words. Then he chuckled and said, "Don't try to change the point of my conversation with you. We are talking about how I'm going to help you get over Jaejoong, not what I like about you."

"But learning what you like about me is so fascinating, Minnie! It gives me a better insight of you!" Yunho teased.

Changmin laughed nervously as he suddenly realized he was revealing more about himself to Yunho than he was comfortable with given that Yunho had no romantic feelings for him. "Umm...this conversation is taking a strange turn and is out of hand. Let's go have breakfast and talk about you getting over Jaejoong later." He turned to leave but stopped when he felt Yunho grab his arm. He turned back around and asked the older man bewilderedly, "What?"

"How long have you been in love with me?" Yunho suddenly asked, not a hint of teasing in his voice as he looked intently at Changmin.

Changmin swallowed hard as he felt his heart leap into his throat; his eyes widening with shock. "Umm...w-w-w-what makes you think I'm...I'm...I'm in love with you?" he stammered.

"The things you just said about me. About how gorgeous I am when I smile...how you love my laugh when it's genuine...how you don't want to leave me when it's quite possible you could make it on your own professionally." Yunho's gaze searched Changmin's gaze deeply. "The way you worry about me...fuss over me...want to help me...want to take care of me. Your undying loyalty to me. Your deep friendship with me. The way you look at my mouth sometimes like you want to kiss me until I can't see straight. Is that explanatory enough for you?" Yunho arched an eyebrow slightly and waited for Changmin's reply.

Changmin was suddenly scared to death. He didn't know how to respond to Yunho's questions.

"Don't deny it, Changminnie. Jae told me a long time ago that you have feelings for me. I didn't believe he was right...but now I see it for myself. How long, Minnie? How long have you been in love with me?" Yunho asked again, his tone gentle and compassionate as he gazed intently at Changmin.

Changmin wanted to flee. He wanted to go crawl into a hole and die. He wanted the floor to rush up and swallow him whole. "Jaejoong's wrong. I'm not..." he started to deny.

"Don't lie to me. You've never lied to me before, don't start now," Yunho implored authoritatively; then his tone softened as he said, "It began the first day we met seven years ago, didn't it? I remember vividly how you looked at me the first time we met. You were a shy, awkward seventeen year old who had never been away from his family before. You were too young and too naive back then for me so I ignored what I saw in your eyes and buried what I felt for you that day so deep that I'd forgotten about it until now. I was already with Jae by that time so I wasn't free to be with you anyway." Yunho took a deep breath and expelled it before saying, "If I'd been free back then...I would've waited until you were twenty-one before pursuing you. But I was in love with Jae...and ultimately all I could see was him. If only I'd gotten away from him before he abandoned me a week ago...I could've been with you and not suffering a broken heart."

Changmin felt like he was about to faint as his heart hammered in his chest and his stomach wrenched. "Yunho..." he started again.

"No, baby, don't lie to me. Don't deny what we both know is true now. You're in love with me...and it took me until now to really see it," Yunho said, and regret flooded his gaze. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I'm not your baby! And you haven't hurt me!" Changmin suddenly snarled defensively as he jerked his arm from Yunho's grip. Then he breathed deeply before saying, "Look, I care about you, all right? As a friend and as a band mate, I care about you..."

"And you love me. You're in love with me. Say it," Yunho commanded softly.

"No! I'm not...!" Changmin started again.

"You've never lied to me before, Minnie. Don't start now. Don't destroy my trust in you," Yunho commanded rawly as his gaze searched Changmin's gaze.

Changmin felt tears sting his eyes. "Why are you doing this to me? I just wanted to help you. You're not in love me. Don't hurt me like this," he pleaded woundedly.

"Tell me you love me," Yunho demanded as he drew closer to Changmin; his face directly before Changmin's face; his gaze searching Changmin's gaze. "Tell me you love me," he commanded again.

Changmin looked afraid now as he stammered, "Br-br-breakfast is getting c-c-cold. Let's go eat it before it's ruined..."

"Say it, Changmin. I need to hear you say it. Say you are in love with me," Yunho commanded again, his gaze so intense it glowed like fire.

"Alright, dammit! I love you! I'm in love with you! Have been since the day I met you seven years ago! Are you happy now?! Are you happy that I'm just as heartbroken and miserable as you are now?!" Changmin exclaimed. Then he hurried out of the den but not before Yunho saw tears flow down his face. The slamming of Changmin's bedroom door rocked the entire apartment.

Yunho stared in shock at the spot where Changmin had just been; the pain that had been in Changmin's eyes and the tears that had flowed from those eyes were imprinted on Yunho's mind forever.

"Changmin..." he whispered out loud in a voice strained with emotion. "Oh, baby...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Tears spilled from his eyes and flowed down his face as pain of a different sort from the pain he felt from Jaejoong's breakup with him filled his heart.

 

~*~

 

A while later...

 

When Changmin came out of his bedroom a while later, his eyes were still puffy and red from crying but otherwise he looked okay. He entered the kitchen expecting to find the French Toast he'd made nearly two hours ago still sitting on the table untouched and dry as the Sahara Desert but instead found a freshly made batch of the breakfast sitting on the table instead and being kept warm on a special self-heating plate.

And sitting at the table and halfway through with his own fresh batch of French Toast was the bane of Changmin's existence at the moment - Yunho.

Changmin started to backtrack out of the kitchen but stopped when Yunho spotted him and said, "Come in, Changmin. I made a fresh batch of the breakfast you worked so hard on and I messed up. I want to talk with you."

Changmin hung near the doorway of the kitchen. "Umm...I'm not hungry anymore," he mumbled sadly.

"Then come in, sit down and let me talk with you," Yunho said gently yet his gaze was insistent.

Changmin felt that gaze propel him forward and draw in him. When he was sitting at the table, the aroma of the food caught his attention and he couldn't help picking up a fork and knife and cutting into the decadent dish. He then moaned in delight and said, "Mmm...this tastes better than the batch I made."

Yunho, watching Changmin succumb to the lure of food, wondered when Changmin's moan of appreciation had become so sexy sounding. Yunho shifted in his chair as he felt his body respond in a way it had only responded to Jaejoong. "I'm glad you like it," he said, his voice sounding rather husky to his ears.

Changmin nodded that he liked the breakfast and didn't come up for air until he had polished it off. He then wiped his mouth on a napkin and relaxed back in his chair before he looked at Yunho again with eyes dull with a pain that Yunho had never hoped to see in Changmin's eyes. "What do you want to talk with me about?" he asked guardedly.

"I hurt you earlier and I want to apologize. I'm sorry, Minnie. I didn't mean to hurt you," Yunho said sincerely. "You were trying to help me and I turned the tables on you and hurt you instead. That was wrong of me and I'm very sorry. Can you forgive me?"

Changmin felt his heart twist in pain even as he said softly, "Forget about it. It's water under the bridge."

"Thank you. I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I accept it and I appreciate it," Yunho said sincerely.

"It's what friends do for each other," Changmin said simply; then they sat staring at each other uncomfortably for several minutes.

Yunho finally broke the silence by saying gently, "Changmin...I hope you know how much you mean to me. I hope you know I would never intentionally hurt you. I knew a long time ago that your feelings for me might be more than just friendship because Jae told me...plus I saw that spark of interest in your eyes when we first met. I ignored that spark because I was already involved with Jae, and you were so young back then. I knew I was too old, too worldly for you back then, and I had hoped you would find someone around your age and at your speed for you to be with...but you've never found that person, have you?" It took Changmin a moment to nod his head in agreement. "Have you ever been with anyone, Changmin?" Yunho asked.

Changmin blushed red in embarrassment as he murmured, "No. I'm...I'm a virgin, Yunho. I've never been with anyone."

"Is that because of your feelings for me?" Yunho asked gently.

Changmin nodded again as his blush deepened. "I want my first time to be with someone I love...someone who loves me because...I remember Junsu telling me once that sex with someone you love who loves you back is the best sex in the world because it doesn't just involve physical need and pleasure...it involves the uniting of two hearts, two bodies, two souls as one."

"Junsu's right. Sex with someone you love who loves you back is the best sex in the world," Yunho agreed.

"And you had that with Jaejoong?" Changmin asked.

Yunho felt his heart twist at Changmin's innocent question. "I thought so. On my end at least." Yunho was quiet for a moment, then he asked, "Have you been saving yourself all these years for me, Changminnie?"

Changmin felt tears sting his eyes as he admitted quietly, "Yes." Then he beseeched, "What are you trying to get at, Yunho? Why are you asking me all of these personal questions? Is it because you know I'll answer them even though they tear at my heart? Why are you doing this to me? Can't we just forget my feelings for you and just be friends? Why are you making this sooo hard for me?" Tears were now streaming down his face as he wept again.

"I'm sorry. I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm trying to understand your feelings for me," Yunho said. "I'm trying to make sure they're real."

"Why?! What does it matter to you?! You don't feel the same way!" Changmin sobbed.

"Maybe I do. But I was too caught up in Jaejoong to realize it," Yunho admitted softly.

"You're in love with him! You've always been in love with him! Don't let the pain of losing him make you think you have feelings for me when you don't! I'm not going to be your rebound from him!" Changmin snarled angrily.

"Sometimes a heart can love more than one person, Minnie-sshi. And my heart is capable of loving you and Jae at the same time," Yunho admitted seriously. Changmin's gaze widened in shock. "Let me be completely honest with you," Yunho continued soulfully. "One of the things Jae and I fought about a lot was my closeness with you. He was jealous of how close of friends you and I had become. He accused me of being in love with you. I told him he was crazy...but he wasn't. But I was too blinded by my love for him to want to admit he was right."

"You love him more than you love me," Changmin whispered, his voice sounding hollow. "I already know that."

"Jae accused me of being unfaithful to him in my heart," Yunho continued, baring his heart and soul to Changmin. "At first I denied it. I didn't believe it. Then two months ago...when he and I are were...making love together...I...I cried out your name when I...when I came. Jae was shocked and hurt. And angry. So angry."

Changmin looked stunned. "You...cried out my name while...you were making love with Jaejoong?" he gasped in shock.

Yunho blushed red. "That's not all. I saw your face in my mind and imagined it was you I was with instead of Jae. It wasn't the first time I'd imagined that while having sex with Jae...but I had never cried out your name before. When Jae and I would fight, I would wonder if he still cared for me...and I would wonder what my life would be like if I was with you...my best friend in the whole world."

For a long moment a tense silence reigned between them. Then Changmin hissed angrily, "Why didn't you tell me this before now?!"

"I didn't want to hurt Jae no more than I already had. I didn't want to lose him," Yunho explained.

"But you wanted me even though you were with him! You wanted him and me at the same time! No wonder he hates me sooo much! He knew you wanted me even when you wanted him too! You were unfaithful in your heart to him!" Changmin accused.

"Yes, dammit, I was! But he was unfaithful to me first! He cheated on me repeatedly with Yoochun!" Yunho exploded in hurt and rage.

Changmin looked stunned again. "Jaejoong...cheated on you with...Yoochun?" he muttered in shock.

"I caught them in bed together one night a year ago. They were having sex and crying out their love for each other. I confronted them. They were both embarrassed and ashamed of being caught. They both apologized and promised to never let it happen again...but I know it continued. I never caught them in bed together again...but I know it continued," Yunho admitted rawly.

"And yet you stayed with Jaejoong. You put up with his shit and stayed with him," Changmin said sourly.

"I was in love with him. I wasn't ready to let him go," Yunho explained quietly.

"Yet you knew I was free. You knew I had feelings for you and you knew you had feelings for me. You could've been with me, Yunho! I would've given anything to be with you! I would've spared you from the heartache you are feeling now if you'd had let yourself be with me! Why didn't you come to me?! I love you so much! Why didn't you come to me?!"

"I was scared! I didn't want to lose Jae! And I thought you were still too young for me!" Yunho exclaimed rawly.

"Yunho, I'm a grown man! I know what I want! I wanted you! I still do!" Changmin exclaimed back rawly. Then his gaze search Yunho's gaze. "Do you want me, Yunho-ah? Do you want me to come around the table, snatch you up into my arms, and kiss you until you can't see straight? Then take you to bed and touch and kiss every inch of you until you scream my name in ecstasy? Until you cry out that you love me and only me and hear me cry back that I love you and only you too? Do you want that, Yunho-ah? Is that the kind of help you need from me to help you put Jaejoong in the past? And will you truly love me and only me? Or will I just be an escape for you from the one you really love the most - Jaejoong?"

"Am I the only one you love and desire, Changmin-sshi?" Yunho asked guardedly. He couldn't let his heart be broken again if Changmin harbored feelings for anyone else other than him.

Changmin's gaze was honest and soulful as he said, "There's no one else, Yunnie. It's only been you. Always you."

Yunho closed his eyes briefly in relief. When he opened them again, they were naked and soulful as he said, "Then help me put Jae in the past. Make me forget him forever...and remember only you."

Changmin knew he was putting himself at risk for being deeply hurt if Yunho couldn't overcome his feelings for Jaejoong, but right now Changmin didn't care as he stood, rounded the table, drew Yunho up from his chair, then took Yunho in his arms and kissed him.

Yunho sputtered at first, shocked as he gripped Changmin's biceps. He hadn't expected Changmin to act so quickly, to pull him close and kiss him like a man dying of thirst.

 

To be continued...

 

 

 

 

 


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